Happy Halloween!!!

Home, Sweet Home...The Amityville Horror

Welcome to the third installment of Craftypants Carol's dream home of horror fantasy world.  My first two dream home entries were sort of straddling the thiller/mystery fence, so I wanted to leap right over to pure, unadulterated horror.

For some reason The Amityville Horror (1979 version, of course) has always given me the creeps.   There is something about it that always sort of makes me filled with dread and also makes me glad I'm not home alone in a huge creepy house after I'm done watching it.  I usually only watch it around Halloween - when it's on TV - but now I have my very own copy and can get my creepy on any time I want.  The funny thing is though, is there are some pretty silly goings on in this movie that aren't very scary at all.  I mean - oooh the PHONE burned my HAND!  How scary.  Actually, if I was one of those religious types this movie would probably scare the shit out of me.  I mean, that priest gets TROUNCED on.  I mean he gets covered in flies, he gets sick for days, gets his hand burned by the phone, he gets yelled at by the devil AND by his boss (and told to sit down - how humiliating), he can't get a phone call to go through to save his life, he crashes in a car, he goes blind and winds up sort of a vegetable.  It's like the devil did one of those football moves where he was at the end zone and did the butt dance and spiked the football - all right on top of the priest!  I mean was god like reading a newspaper while all this was going on?  If anyone deserves to get a little protection it should be one of these guys.  This is exactly why little kids lay in bed at night scared out of their wits.  They're all - if god didn't help the good priest then I'm sure as hell not gonna get any favors.

I've actually come to the conclusion that there are 2 main reasons this particular movie creeps me out without fail - and neither one has anything to do with the priest.  The main one is the little girl "la la la" music in the background of most of the scenes.  Creepy little girl singing is a surefire creepy tactic, as far as I am concerned.  The other reason, and it's no small reason, is this...

No matter how many times I see this movie this lady creeps me out big time.  In fact I really missed the boat twice with this lady recently.  I should have included her in both my Top 10 Willy Inducing Moments post AND the creepy lady faces post I did over at Kindertrauma.  There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that can top a creepy lady face other than the wrong voice coming out of someone!  This is an incredibly creepy tactic that has been used in everything from The Bionic Woman (with the fembots) to The Exorcist - and thousands of TV movies and whatnot in between - and it never fails to get to me.  Whether it's a man talking in a woman's voice or a grown up talking in a little kid voice or in this instance a very normal looking woman talking in...ok, actually if anyone can tell me who's voice she is talking in I would appreciate it.  Cause a few minutes after this scene Margot Kidder is talking to James Brolin and she says  something like "you know who's voice that was don't you?"  And I am always all  WHO?!?!  The priest?  The devil?  The real estate agent?  Who?

James Brolin gets pretty progressively scary in this movie too.  I loves me some James Brolin.

Ok - back to the issue at hand - the house.  Now, this was touted as the #1 fave house of Uncle Lancifer of Kindertrauma on his dream horror home top 10, and I do agree in some aspects.  But for two very important reasons that I will point out, this house falls much lower on my list.

Let's start with the good points.  The kitchen is so freaking cool!

The glass cabinet doors, the built in thingy, the post that sticks right up in the middle - all very very cool stuff.  It took me a while to figure out what the hell that cord was - but I think it's for the light over the table.  A little on the makeshift/make-do/who-gives-a-fuck-it's-my-house side - and I like it!  Here's another view where you can see the nook - which could easily accommodate a booth, if you ask me.

And I can totally see myself doing dishes or canning some peaches while gazing out these windows.

Another part I really really like is the room at the top of the house - the one with the famous windows - and the stairway that comes right up into the landing.  I just love that!

The living room is very nice too - with the built-ins and the green color scheme.

Which actually brings me to a crucial element - the fabulously retro wallpaper!

                          Living Room                                                       Kitchen                                                    Hallway

There's also tons of closet space...

And a very cool porch/balcony thing...

And last but not least...an awesome cellar.

The problem is, I would never be able to go down there.  I could not, no matter what, live in a house with a hole in the cellar that is the gateway to hell.  And I don't care how many walls you put up or how many coats of paint you use or how many false floors you put over it - I would know!  I honestly don't know how they expect to sell the damn thing ever - unless it's to some poor sap who doesn't know.  But I saw the movie.  I know!

ALSO - the house is very unfortunately positioned on a street.  So even though it's on a lake and has it's own boathouse, you still might get nosy neighbors skulking around right outside the house - since it's right on the freaking street.  No thanks.

According to wikiwiki:

In May 2010, the house was placed on the market with an asking price of $1.15 million. In August 2010, the house was sold to a local resident for $950,000. On August 21, 2010, the departing owner held a moving sale at the house, and hundreds of people turned up for the event. They were allowed to go inside the house, but not to visit the upstairs rooms or the basement.

They couldn't go in the basement cause they didn't want anyone to fall into the HELL HOLE!

So the main points here are:

1. Big, cool, amazing kitchen
2. fab wallpaper
3. lots of character/closet space
4. balcony
5. lake!
6. awesome cellar - but with hell hole
7. right on street

I'd have to say, although I have no numerical system thus far, that this would be one of the lower ranking dream homes.

Satanic Foodstuffs

Upside down cross brownies and the scariest pizza you will ever see....

I was scared when I first saw this ad - but I was double scared when I thought that the white stuff on top was also soup - like cheese soup?  You can take a deep breath and rest assured that they suggest mozzerella (or process cheese) for the top.  But those 5 little shrively pee-wee mushrooms look like sad sack flotilla devices in the seas of hell.

The Big 5-0!

Actually it is the big 5-1.  As in my 51st post - but I just noticed that the last one was my 50th - so we'll celebrate the 50 on the 51, if you know what I mean.  And I know you do!

So for my 50th/51st post I'll just keep it simple and post some excruciatingly bright dessert ads from old magazines from long, long ago.   

That up there is a big pie in the sky for you all to gaze at.   My-T-Fine.  And here's a beautiful pink cake on an orange background.  Classy!

This is nice too.

And here is a tip for all you working mothers!  

Any recipe with the word "blox" in it is fine by me.

Happy 5-0 Craftypants Carol's Fancy Crafty World!  

Home, Sweet Home...See No Evil

Here we are again with the second entry into my horror dream home bacchanalia.  Not unlike the last entry, this house has a rather bland exterior, with the hidden goodness all tucked away inside and out back.

The movie is See No Evil.

A 1971 British film starring a post Rosemary's Baby Mia Farrow that my mom would watch whenever it was on TV when I was growing up.  It was one of those movies that I searched for, without knowing the title, for many many years.  I don't remember how I eventually stumbled upon in - but I got it through Netflix.  It's a pretty good film and I do recommend it - although my affinity for it is anchored firmly in warm, fuzzy nostalgia.

I love the titles of these movies playing at the theater that the killer walks out of in the beginning of the film.  Sort of sets up the evil-doer finger pointing a bit.

We first come to the house at night, which is the shot up top.  Below is a daytime shot of the front of the house - with a microscopically dwarfed Mia standing at the front door.

I like the way the two outdoor shots frame the house.  I know it's pretty classic framing - but it's nice, esp since the house is all white and a tad bit blase.  Kind of perks things up a bit.

The first place we will visit is the kitchen.  This one is unfortunately almost all white, but is very good sized and has one quality that puts it so far over the top that I'm writhing around in bed just thinking about it.

I absolutely love that booth!  A kitchen booth is something I have always wanted, and will get someday by gum!  I love that it has an adjoining counter behind it, and I can only imagine that there are some huge French windows on the other end that I could gaze out of for hours on end.  Of course the rest of the kitchen would need an overhaul.  That white has got to go!!!

Next we move on to the other extremely important item on Craftypants Carol's list of utmost importance...the cellar.  This house does, indeed, have a cellar - but it is barely featured - so we'll have to just use our collective imaginations when we're down there.

Here we can see Mia steadying herself against a very nice stone arch...

and here we see her scrambling around in blind fashion (oh didn't I tell you, she's blind) amongst the stone arches and lampshade frames, and whatnot.  Based on the sheer size of the estate, and from the looks of the arches, I would have to say that we're looking at a very large cellar, with many food storage possibilities.  This baby definitely gets a thumbs up.

Another very nice aspect of this house is a back courtyard area that connects the horse stalls to the main house.  This is a view from the horse stall entry looking at the back of the house.  Er, wait - maybe that's the side of the house.  Who knows.

That's the horse guy.  He gets killed.  Next is a view from the house looking at the stall entry.  Notice the stairs to nowhere!  That is a feature that definitely jacks this house up another notch!

The inside of the house has a pretty standard rich people's estate feel.  It could use some sprucing up here and there, but this hallway/landing/long room thing is decorated in a very tasteful manner.  Hot pink walls and red carpet - what more could you want!

This is a nighttime shot - so the colors don't exactly scream out at you.  I just liked the atmosphere here - and the way you can see the bathroom door through the arch.  There are some neat scenes where the camera moves through the house and you can see the nifty architecture.  Here's a cool door plate.

Here is a very nice view from Mia's bedroom.  As you can see the house is quite secluded.

Imdb lists the filming location as Binfield Manor, Binfield, Berkshire, England, UK.

britishlistedbuilding.co.uk has this to say:

Large house in parkland with lake. Early C18 centre with early
C19 extensions, altered mid and late C20. 
MATERIALS: Part painted brick but mostly painted render. Low
pitched slate roofs. 
PLAN: rectangular plan with cross-wing extension on each end
and service extension to east. 
EXTERIOR: 2 storeys. Most chimneys have been removed, only 3
remain. Plinth, dentilled, moulded cornice and parapet. Sash
windows with glazing bars. Entrance (north) front: pedimented
centre section of 5 bays, segmental pediments over 2 outer 
windows on grround floor. Centre 3-bays slightly projecting 
with pedimented Doric porch, triglyph frieze, mutule cornice
and pediment. 3-bay projecting cross-wings on each side of 
centre section with single bay returns. Pediments over ground
floor windows. Pediments and porch are late C20. South 
(garden) front: 4 canted bays, each with 3 windows, recessed
sections between of 2, 1 and 1 bays. 
INTERIOR: not inspected. 
House is picturesquely situated at end of avenue of beech 
trees. 


I don't know what most of that means - but it has a lake!!!!  Damn!


So what we have here is:


1.  kitchen with a booth!!!
2.  nice cellar by the looks of things
3.  stairway to nowhere! no way!  YES WAY!
4.  seclusion, seclusion, seclusion...and a lake!


Man - this one is way at the top of the list.

Make Mine a Po-Tuna!

English Sauces Booklet

I found this cute little booklet in my grandmother's cookbooks a while back and scanned it the other day.  I thought I'd post it here for anyone who might want to check it out.  It's got some interesting sauces in it.